Bev's Tips for a Better Work Life

Tips for a more rewarding and resilient career

For almost 20 years, Bev has been coaching
professionals to thrive at work, navigate
transitions and grow as leaders.

thanks

How to give powerful positive feedback

Posted by Beverly Jones on

 Eight tips on how to say

“Thanks!” or “Good job!”

Humans are inherently social, and all healthy people have a deep need for acceptance and appreciation.  At work, even confident people may begin to feel uncertain and uneasy if they seldom receive explicit positive feedback

My client “Josh,” the  general counsel of a federal agency, didn’t understand the human need for recognition.  Finally, he came to coaching after a staff survey helped him realize that most of his junior lawyers felt under-appreciated. They had real concerns about his leadership style, and they said that his disinterest was undercutting their ability to do good work.

Josh’s initial reaction was defensive and disdainful.   He said, “Grown-up lawyers shouldn’t expect gratitude just for doing excellent work. They get paid, don’t they? And when I don’t comment they should know everything is OK, because I always tell them when they screw up.”

We spoke about how people yearn for recognition, and why they are likely to do their best when they feel that their efforts are appreciated. And I pointed to numerous studies demonstrating that people will be more productive in a positive work environment.

Eventually Josh agreed to try an experiment. Every workday he put three quarters in his pocket. Each time he thanked or complimented a team member, he could remove one coin. And he couldn’t go home until his pocket was empty.

After the first week, Josh said he was enjoying the experiment more than he had expected. But he still felt awkward saying “thanks,” so he was looking for more occasions to practice. He began to say “thank you” at home, in the coffee shop, and wherever he went on the weekend.

great job stampThe more Josh practiced, the more comfortable he felt offering thanks and positive feedback. And he was having fun with it. He said, “the amazing thing is not that it makes them happy, but that it makes me happy, too.” He noticed that saying “thanks” in an authentic way actually made him feel more grateful and that experiencing gratitude can be life changing.

Soon Josh quit carrying the quarters because he no longer needed them. He said he was addicted to his “thank you” habit, and it had changed the way he looked at many parts of his life.

Well-crafted words of thanks and praise can serve as powerful positive reinforcement, guiding and supporting your colleagues to achieve, change and grow. By regularly thanking or acknowledging people for their work, you can help to shape a more positive and collaborative office environment, even if you’re not the boss.

These eight tips can help build your “thank you” habit into a powerful leadership tool:

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Say “thank you” when they praise your work.

Posted by Beverly Jones on

 To keep the compliments coming

learn to accept them gracefully.

I grew up believing the proper way to respond to a compliment was with modesty.  If somebody said, “What a pretty dress,” my response was something like, “Oh, this cheap old thing?”

When I was a young lawyer, if I worked long hours on a tough memo and a partner said, “You did a nice job,” I was inclined to answer in the same way.  I’d belittle my efforts by saying something like, “No big deal” or, “It was really a team effort.”

My typical response was wrong in so many ways.  For one thing, it reframed the partner’s assessment of the quality of my work.  Instead of reading my mind and understanding that I’d struggled hard to produce a first class draft, the partner would tend to take me at my word and recall the project as not a big deal.

Beyond that, when I deflected the positive feedback I drained the energy from what should have been a happy moment.  When the partner offered kind words, I made him feel a little bit bad, instead of a little better.   And I denied myself the benefits that a compliment can bring.

It wasn’t until I became a manager myself that I understood how the compliment exchange should go.  To your brain, receiving a compliment is a reward, like a little cash, and research suggests that you perform even better after accepting a reward.  So your first step after hearing a compliment is to pause for an instant, and get the full value of the moment.

When you do open your mouth to respond, you have two goals: to reinforce the positive evaluation that led to the compliment, and at the same time to make the giver feel good. Here are suggestions for accepting compliments on your work:

  • Say “thanks.”    Begin your response by saying “thank you.”  And sound like you mean it.  Even if a little voice in your head says, “I don’t deserve it,” or, “He doesn’t mean it,” ignore your doubt.  Smile and express appreciation for the compliment.
  • Show your pleasure at a job well done.  It’s not immodest to acknowledge satisfaction with good work.  After saying “thanks,” you might add a brief phrase like, “I’m proud of this one,” or “I’m so pleased that I could help.”
  • Share the credit.  Although you don’t want to deny your contribution, you don’t want to hog the limelight, either.  If it truly was a team effort, share the praise. Add a simple comment like, “I couldn’t have done it without Tom – he was terrific.”
  • Return the compliment.  You can prolong the nice moment by offering a compliment in return.  Say something like, “Your good advice made such a difference.”  But this only works if your words are sincere.  Fake praise can be just another way of deflecting a compliment.
  • Keep it short. When the compliment exchange goes on too long it can become uncomfortable.  If the flow of praise feels unending, it’s OK to turn it off with a light comment like, “Aww…  That’s enough now.  You’re making me blush.”
  • Respond quickly to email compliments.   Positive feedback may flow to you via email or through an in-house channel. To keep the sender feeling good about making the gesture, get back to them immediately. You might say something like: “Thanks so much for your kind words. As always, your support means a great deal to me.”
  • Manage your “impostor syndrome.”  Sometimes high achievers find it extremely difficult to hear praise, believing they don’t really deserve it.  If you feel like an imposter, and not really good enough to deserve such kind words, ignore your discomfort and accept the compliment gracefully.  Then try these easy techniques for learning to be comfortable when your work gets rave reviews.

Saying “thank you” can be powerful in so many situations.  Try these tips for saying “thanks” or “good job” to your colleagues.

And click here for strategies to make your praise and “thank you” really count.

For more tips on responding to praise for your work, see this brief video (one of my career tips from the garden).

And for even more career guidance, see my Career Press best seller, “Think Like an Entrepreneur, Act Like a CEO.”