eZine

Number 133

According to Dr. Dan Baker, the rapidly growing field of positive psychology is “the study of the good life.” While clinical psychology focuses on what’s wrong with people, positive psychology focuses on what’s right with them. It builds on an individual’s strengths to create an even more satisfying and meaningful life.

What may be most intriguing about the field is that it encompasses simple, accessible approaches that anyone can use to create greater happiness. The starting point is the realization that you can change the way you look at the world.

Our brains are hard-wired for fear, which makes sense because being fearful helped our ancestors survive. But perceiving the world through a veil of fear is not a healthy way for us to go through life today. We can adopt a more positive approach to life by managing our “self-talk” – the repetitive, often negative thoughts that flow constantly through our consciousness.

Baker says, “A good rule to follow in self-talk is to talk to yourself the way you want others to talk to you.” For example, do you want your best friend to say, “you’re gonna screw up” or “you’re too fat”? If not, don’t talk that way to yourself.

Unhappy people “pervert the power of self-talk by painting unrealistically ugly verbal pictures of their world.” They say things like, “I’ll never get a job,” or “everything happens to me.” You can listen for those negative refrains in your own mind, and replace them with more realistic, positive statements.

Here are more suggestions from Dr. Baker:

• Decrease fear with an “appreciation audit.” If you’re feeling worried, devote three to five minutes thinking about things that you deeply appreciate. It can be anything from your children to chocolate. A good technique is to list five items in a specific category, like “favorite people” or “things I’m looking forward to.” When your brain is focused on the good stuff, anxiety and worry automatically shut down.
• Avoid these traps. You can build up your power over your negative emotions, as well as over events in your world. Dr. Baker suggests that you start by finding ways to take action in a situation that troubles you. He says, however, that you are unlikely to increase your personal power if you indulge in self-talk that reflects any of these extremely common self-sabotaging beliefs:
  • I’ve been victimized
  • I’m entitled to more
  • I’ll be rescued
  • Someone else is to blame
• Choose optimism. Baker suggests that “If you find yourself walking a fine line between optimism and pessimism” try these tools “to help you move closer to the optimistic tipping point”:
  • Switch thoughts. As soon as pessimistic thoughts come into your head, quickly replace them with positive ones.
  • Switch gears. When problems arise, instead of bemoaning them, consider the possibilities and set out to solve the problems.
  • Switch friends. Avoid people who drain your energy by judging you, belittling you, or just overloading you with their problems.
  • Walk the walk. Act as if things are great, and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When someone asks how you are, answer, “terrific.”

Number 132

Since he opened the Union Square Café at age 27, Danny Meyer has been putting his stamp on the competitive New York City restaurant business. Today his company owns 11 of the City’s most beloved restaurants, and Danny and the group have won an unprecedented 19 James Beard awards.

Meyer is known not just for those fine establishments, however. Business students and aspiring entrepreneurs look to him as the author of “Setting the Table – The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business.”

His 2006 book is not only a fascinating autobiography, rich in accounts of wonderful meals in Europe and across the U.S. It also is a useful guide for people running service businesses, or anyone who wants to provide stellar service and effective leadership within an organization. Here are a few tips from Meyer:

• Provide hospitality, not just service. Meyer says that nothing is as important as how one is made to feel in any business transaction. Customers experience “hospitality” when they believe the other person is on their side – when something happens for them, and not just to them. “Service” describes how well things are done, and what is delivered to a customer. But “hospitality” goes further, to reflect the way that delivery of a product makes the recipient feel.
• Turn mistakes around. Even in first class operations like Meyer’s, mistakes happen and customers sometimes are disappointed. The trick is to “write a great last chapter,” so that customers remember not only what went wrong but also the great way that the episode was handled. For example, if a waiter spills wine on a customer’s jacket, Meyer’s team might send it out for one-hour cleaning, while entertaining the customer with extra -- and complimentary – courses. You cannot change what happened, but you can create a new ending so that the story finishes in a way that works for you. Here are Meyer’s five “As” for addressing mistakes:
  • Awareness – Notice what happened.
  • Acknowledgement – Confess the truth, such as with, “Our server had an accident and we’ll bring a new plate as soon as possible.”
  • Apologize -- Say you are sorry (but don’t make excuses).
  • Action – Say what you will do to make amends, and follow through.
  • Additional generosity – Offer something complimentary to show that your apology is sincere.
• Hire 51 percenters. Meyer attributes much of his success to careful hiring. He says that the only way a company can grow, while “staying true to its soul,” is to hire and keep great people. In selecting staff, he looks for people whose skills are divided about 51:49 “between emotional hospitality and technical excellence.” He seeks people “who naturally radiate warmth, friendliness, happiness and kindness.”

Number 131

Everybody understands that the Web can play a critical role in shaping your career. And social networking tools can allow you to present your individual brand to potential employers and ciients, and even friends and colleagues.

But before you start spreading the word on sites like Facebook or LinkedIn, the first step in “personal branding” should be to develop a deep understanding of what you want your brand to be.

In commerce, a “brand” identifies a product or service in a way that captures its purpose, intent and strengths. Sometimes a brand statement can be summed up with a great slogan, like “Don’t leave home without it” or “Plop, plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is.”

You might think of your personal brand as a short statement of who you are and the strengths that you bring to each encounter. To state your brand, consider your values, your history, and the characteristics that make you unique. A good way to do this can be to write a longer portrait of yourself, then distill it to its essence.

Create a brand statement that not only captures what you want to communicate to others, but also establishes standards that you want to meet. As you work to define your brand, consider these questions and strategies:

• Be positive. Focus on your strengths and visualize the person you can be when you are at your very best. Your own sense of self worth can have a tremendous impact on the way others evaluate your capabilities and potential.
• Get real. Good brand statements are authentic. Just as product brand statements fall flat when they are full of lies, individual statements work only when they are honest. It doesn’t mean that you must invariably live up to your brand, so much as that you are committed to working in that direction.
• Recall great moments. Think about a time or a project when you delivered the goods – when you knew that you were successful, and so did others. Ask yourself what was you did well, and what you were like at that time.
• Find models. Think of people you respect, identify the characteristics that set them apart, and ask yourself how you can be like them.
• Plan for your dream job. Think about the position that you would like to hold in five or ten years. Ask what kind of person you will need to be in order to succeed in a job like that.
• Talk behind your back. Imagine that a potential employer or client is asking people to evaluate your suitability for a fantastic opportunity. What do you hope that your friends and clients are saying about you?
• Ask your friends. Sometimes it is easier for other people to recognize your strengths and see what makes you special. Ask people you trust to share their perception of your brand.

Number 130

Are you a woman professional who finds that some of your female colleagues act like they resent your success? Or worse, are they blocking your progress? Or, do you dread going to work because of a workplace bully?

For decades women have been bumping into the occasional “Queen Bee,” who acts like she should be the only woman on her professional turf. And as women continue to work their way into the higher reaches of the professional world, it is inevitable that some of them will treat each other badly. After all, they are people. And some people are more flawed than others.

The media are full of clichés where girls and women like the “Real Housewives” trash each other. And some human resource professionals are concerned that these cultural images are translating into aggression and oppression in the workplace.

It is difficult to generalize. Despite reports of widespread problems, there is contrary evidence. For example, a classic UCLA study suggested that while men tend to get into “fight or flight” mode in the midst of office stress, women may respond differently. It seems that the hormone oxytocin, released as part of women’s stress response, encourages bonding and nurturing. So when a woman is faced with crisis, her own chemistry might encourage her to calm down, nurture children and hang out with other women.

Among those exploring why some women oppress their femaie colleagues are Dr. Erika Holiday and Dr. Joan Rosenberg, who wrote “Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray, and Trash-Talk Each Other and How to Heal.”

They theorize that both mean little girls and grown women who hurt other women may be suffering from self-hatred that is linked to rigid gender roles. Girls can develop low self-esteem when they are trapped by “double binds” that leave them no correct choice. For example, they may feel that they should comply with traditional female stereotypes and yet also must compete successfully with boys.

If you are troubled by Mean Girls at work, consider these strategies:

• Develop self awareness. Noticing your hurt or angry feelings can help you to let them go. Consider keeping a journal in which you describe your emotions and explore choices for moving forward. Read about “Emotional Intelligence” and learn to better manage your own EI.
• Reach out to other women. The best antidote to Mean Girl behavior may be solid friendships with other women. If there is nobody to turn to at the office, make it a top priority to cultivate women friends in other spheres of your life. You should be the one to take responsibility for staying in touch.
• Break the cycle. Sometimes when women are hurt by women they respond by treating lower ranking females in ways that demean, exclude or devalue them. Wherever you are in the hierarchy, you can start change by looking for opportunities to support women. If there is nobody to mentor at work, consider Big Sister or other programs that will connect you with those who could use your help. When you support other women, the sense of connection supports you in return.
• Don’t let bullies defeat you. Most workplace bullies are men, but when women do engage in bullying behavior they tend to pick on other women. Of course, the first rule is to avoid bullies when you can. When that is not possible, don’t let them get that charge that comes from hurting you. Meditation and other techniques can help you learn to stay calm and centered, which may frustrate the bully and cause her to move along to somebody more vulnerable.

Number 129

Chances are that you have a career switch in your future. Maybe changes in your professional field will force you to look for something new. Or maybe you will elect to step off the treadmill and find a career that is less stressful or more personally rewarding. Perhaps, like me, you’ll keep things interesting by reinventing your career several times.

If you are beginning to think about a new career direction, but don’t know how to start moving, consider these strategies for building some momentum:

• Read. Whether you surf the web or go to the library, an obvious way to begin is to read about the field. Consider subscribing to professional magazines or newsletters. Even some light fiction can introduce you to various professional settings. For example, there is a genre of “cozy” mysteries in which the action is built around the main character’s business, like training dogs, organizing clutter, or running a yarn shop.
• Ask the pros. Find a way to visit with people already pursuing the professional path that intrigues you. If you don’t know whom to call, ask your friends if they know of anybody who might be willing to visit with you about their work. Post your query on Facebook, or send out an email to your broader network. You have nothing to lose by asking for informational interviews, and you might find that most people enjoy talking about what they do.
• Study. Sign up for a course related to your target field. There are so many options today, as colleges explore new ways to reach out to potential students. Geography may no longer be a barrier, because so many options can be found on line.
• Volunteer. Look for an early opportunity to get experience. A good option can be to volunteer your services. For example, if you’re tired of working with numbers, and are thinking of shifting to public relations, volunteer to assist the publicity or communications chair of a local non-profit board.
• Go to conferences. Attending professional conferences can be a great way to immerse yourself in a new professional world. If money is an issue, contact sponsoring organizations and volunteer to help out in return for a chance to attend some sessions.
• Intern. College students aren’t the only ones who are getting great experience through internships. A new trend is for mid-life career changers to negotiate opportunities to work as interns. Even if your day job is keeping you busy, you might be able to structure an opportunity around your vacation or weekend schedule. If you are willing to work for little or no money, established professionals might be willing to take you under their wings.
• Learn to run a business. If you are thinking about leaving a traditional job to do free-lance or contract work, become familiar with the basics of small business. For example, if you want to retire from teaching to pursue your dream of becoming a wedding planner, it’s not enough to become expert in bridal trends. To make it all work, you’ll need to know the basics of business, from product development to marketing and billing. Thinking of yourself as a small business can be a useful way to get started in a new field, even if you do plan to get a job within a large organization.
• Get business cards. Even before you are ready to market yourself in a new way, it can be useful to buy business cards that are appropriate to your next path. For example, if you have a card that says “photographer” and pass it around among people who serve on boards, it can lead to opportunities to take pictures for charitable organizations.
• Find a buddy. Changing careers can be a lonely process. Find a friend who also is engaged in reinvention and meet regularly to share ideas, networks and encouragement.

Number 128

If you are a professional, chances are that communicating ideas is an important part of your job. Whether you are speaking to a single colleague or planning a major campaign, your success may depend on your ability to communicate in a persuasive way. And even beyond your career, your ability to be convincing can impact your opportunities for leadership and success in many areas of your life.

Whenever you are planning a communication initiative, pause and ask yourself three questions:

• What is the message?
• Who are the audiences?
• What are the delivery channels?

Consider these suggestions as you explore the answers to these questions:

• Shape your core message.
  • Start by examining the problem you want to address from as many angles as possible.
  • Make your message “sticky.” In the clever book “Made to Stick,” authors Chip Heath and Dan Heath offer these principles for framing a message that sticks with the audience:
    • Simplicity. Strip your idea to its core. The Golden Rule is a great example of a complex message made simple.
    • Unexpectedness. Generate interest and curiosity before making your point. One simple technique is to get audience attention by starting with a question.
    • Concreteness. Use clear images that listeners can envision. Invent graphic phrases along the lines of “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
    • Credibility. The Heath brothers suggest that people are skeptical about authority, so it is not enough to rely on your credentials. Instead, they say, “Sticky ideas have to carry their own credentials.” They suggest using questions that allow visitors to test for themselves, like: “Before you vote, ask yourself if you are better off today than you were four years ago.”
    • Emotions. Get people to care about your ideas by making them feel something. Note that one photo of a bird covered in oil can have more impact than a press release full of statistics about oil spilling in the Gulf.
    • Stories. Get people to act on your ideas by telling stories make your points feel real and vivid.
  • Get to know your audience:
    • Listen. Find out what they want by listening intently. Stephen Covey wrote: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
    • Check your “Emotional Intelligence.” You can see the audience more clearly if you understand your own goals, biases and emotions.
    • Define segments. As you think about your audience, break it into manageable groups with similar interests.
    • Address what they want. Reframe your message so that it responds to something that your audience segments need, want or care about.
    • Build relationships. When you are selling an idea, it is great to have your network in place. Test your ideas as you build your network.

  Deliver your message in ways that work:

  • Use multiple channels. As you implement your communications plan, mix it up a bit. Use many ways to deliver and reinforce your core message. For example, if you intend to offer a proposal at a meeting, set it up with a preliminary email, send along related background information and call people to explore their reactions and build support.
  • Build a drumbeat. Repetition can help get your message across. Create a regular cadence with consistent themes repeated at a steady pace.
  • Use events. Gatherings can be a great way to deliver your message, particularly if you take full advantage of the invitation and follow-up process. But they can be expensive and time-consuming.